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So, you've given some thought to what your loved one means to you and what is special about your relationship. Maybe you have decided on something deeply significant to you both that you want to acknowledge in your promises to each other.

There may be some specific phrases that you know will be incorporated somewhere. Write them down and fill in as much as you can; things might flow from there. You may find that you want to start from the beginning, but do not know how. Typically, in "formal" situations like this, it's a good idea to state what it is you are about to do. The following two examples are ways of introducing the vows to follow:

"I take this time today to honor who we are and what we are becoming …"

"X, I stand before you today with eyes and heart wide open as I pledge my commitment to our marriage …"

It's basically an opening line to lead you into the vows themselves, and you may in fact find that you end up deciding on the opening only after you have found the ending. At this stage it does not matter. Now you need to start writing; just write whatever you feel. The best approach is usually to get everything down on paper and work your way back from there. It will pay to bear the following things in mind as you go through this process:

Be sure to allow yourself enough time.

Once you start thinking about all the things you want to say about your partner and how you feel about them, you might find you need to do some editing. You should be prepared to develop several versions of your wedding vows before you can be sure you've hit the mark. Writing a version then putting it away for a day or so can be helpful. Sometimes with a bit of space you'll find what sound just right one day does not feel right the next. Sometimes you will narrow your ideas down to what it is that you really want to say.

Do not do it alone!

If you are going to be saying the same thing, writing your very own wedding vows needs to be a collaborative process (just like marriage!). Both you and your partner need to be comfortable with what you are saying. Keep checking in about this as you go. The last thing you want to do is hand over your lovingly created declarations of heartfelt adoration only to hear; "I'm not saying that !"

Get feedback and practice.

While your vows may be some of the most intimate things you will ever say to your partner, it pays to spare a thought for your audience. They do not need to hear those really personal details, nor do they want to listen to a rambling monologue. So when you feel like you're getting close, start saying what you've come up with out loud. Sometimes the experience of hearing yourself say something can be a great way to work out if you want anyone else to hear you say it! Better still; find a trusted friend to try them out on. This is also a good way of getting the giggles over and done with so that on the day you can approach the moment with the composition it describes.

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Source by Louise Schafer