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More and more, couples are choosing to write their own wedding vows.
Although many people believe that this is the best way to truly express
their personal beliefs and feelings, often they are unsure about how to
begin and what to include. If you would like to write your own wedding
vows, here are some tips for writing vows that pledge the love you really
feel.

Inform your clergyman early

If the ceremony will be religious, let the clergyman know about your
plans as soon as possible. If there are guide principles you will need to
be aware of as you write your vows, the sooner you know what they are
the better. This is also a good way to avoid possible conflicts between
the beliefs of your house of worship and your own personal beliefs. If
there is some disagreement between the two, you may need to adjust
your plans or wording, or perhaps look for another clergyman.

Ask yourself fundamental questions

Once you've taken that first step, begin by asking yourself questions.
These may include: "What does marriage mean to us? Why are we
marrying? What promises are most meaningful, and which ones are
essential that we keep?

You may want to ask what words like love, honor, respect, faithfulness,
forgiveness, honesty, fidelity, friendship, and trust mean to each of you.
This exercise will help you to clarify your thoughts as well as express
your true feelings toward each other, your expectations for the future,
and your personal visions of your lives together in the future.

Focus on what's unique

An essential element of personalizing your wedding vows is expressing
what is unique about the other person. Think about how you see each
other and write down as many of the reasons for loving each other as
you can verbalize. If your backgrounds are different, acknowledge this
and promise to respect and honor your differences as well as your
commitment to building bridges that will strengthen common grounds. If
This is not a first marriage for one or both of you, you may want to talk
about your faith in love and the bond that marriage creates between two
people.

Do not get too personal

Keep in mind that changing wedding vows is as serious as it is
meaningful. Your goal should not be to make your vows sound cute or
amusing. Also, avoid suggestive language or phrasing.

And do not confuse personal feelings with private affairs. Topics having to
do with money, conception and child-rearing, politics, or in-laws should
not be included in wedding vows to be overheard by your guests.

Incorporating traditional commitments

Although much of what you will write will be unique to your relationship
and therefore highly personalized, you may want to include meaning
parts from traditional vows that are a part of your culture.

While most of the word is their own, many couples continue to
Incorporate the familiar love, comfort, honor (though usually leaving out
the "obey" part) word into their vows.

Rehearse before your wedding day

Since this is a special occasion, you should give it all of the time and
attention it describes. Practice reading aloud what the two of you have
written. This is the true test that what appears on paper is what you really
intended to say, in the way you intended to say it. Rehearsing will also
allow you to determine how long changing your vows will take and
whatever adjustments are needed. If the words sounds awkward or if it
is difficult to read, change it.

Do not rely solely on your memory

A case of nerves can strike unexpectedly, and at the most inopportune
time, so make sure your precious words are written down. Once you are
satisfied that your wedding vows express exactly what you wanted to
say to each other, it is time to finalize your draft. The final copy,
preferably two or three, should be printed using a fairly large font size,
which will make it easier to read.

It is a good idea to give a copy to the clergyman, at least several days
before the ceremony is to take place. If a severe case of nerves does
strike, it may be he who will need to read your vows.

Personalize the whole ceremony

Aim to keep the time it takes to exchange your vows between one and
three minutes. To extend the feeling of a ceremony that is a celebration
of
your unique love, have a family member or good friend offer a carefully
selected prayer or reading as part of the ceremony. You can also
choose music that is both appropriate for the occasion and especially
meaningful to the two of you.

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Source by Jean Bachcroft