Marriage is one of life’s most exciting milestones, but a wedding can make even the most enthusiastic bride anxious. The new book, Stuff Every Bride Should Know by Michelle Park Lazette, breaks down the basics to planning a wedding. Here, Lazette discusses the most important conversations you should have before tying the knot.

Photo Credit: Ueda Photography

Planning a giant party is fun, but be sure to take some time now to plan the marriage it’s celebrating. Consider seeking premarital counseling, which can provide you with tools for communicating well throughout your lifetime together. Here are just a few of the questions you should discuss before saying “I do.” Keep in mind: the answers may change over the years. 

1. Do you want kids?
Six months after the wedding is not the time to discover that your spouse doesn’t want a single child. 

2. What are your religious beliefs?
And will you raise those potential children to follow them?

3. What are your career plans?
Are you willing to move away from where you live to follow them — or to follow your spouse’s? Do either of you want to stay at home with your children?

4. What do your finances look like?
You should know about one another’s credit histories, preferences for saving and spending, and debts. 

5. How do you show love?
Everyone is different, and there are many different ways to express love. Some of us do the dishes or perform other caretaking roles. Others feed off of physical affection. Recognize how your spouse-to-be demonstrates and receives love. 

6. How do you fight?
How do you act when you’re upset? Are you confrontational? Do you need your space at first? Take this opportunity to commit to healthy fighting. Know and respect each other’s boundaries. Even in times of friction, be giving. Marriage works when you commit to making it work. That commitment is required well beyond the honeymoon and is especially important in times of strife.

—Michelle Park Lazette