[ad_1]

I am an event planner who loves weddings. There's no doubt about it. I truly enjoy working with couples as they are about to embark on a glorious right of passage: a wedding day. For us in the wedding industry, the period between Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day is considered "engagement season". Millions of couples make the verbal and symbolic pledge to marry. After the start of the New Year, we get many new inquiries from newly engaged couples who want our help to plan their dream wedding. The details excite us. The more a couple wants for their wedding, the more fun it is for us to help them organize and plan. We often tell couples to hire a planner because they should ENJOY the engagement period. Anyone who's done it themselves can tell you that planning a wedding is a serious and potentially stressful undertaking. I can say jokingly (and partly serious) that planning a wedding is a perfect opportunity to really get to know another side of your betrothed.

I am in the business of beautiful. I am in the business of fun. I am someone who helps people celebrate in the biggest way possible. But on the other side of a certain celebration called a 'wedding', is a marriage.

We, in the biz, do not often talk about the marriage part. We are in the couples' lives for a short time. We sincerely help plan, and then move on to the wedding day. We give advice throughout the planning process. We often help mitigate a family disaggregation or even one between the couple. We often tell the couple on the wedding day to "really take it all in, because the day will soon pass" (this is very true). However, we rarely ever give advice on the most important outcome of a wedding- the marriage. And why should we? We're certainly not counselors (although we often joke it's an unspoken part of our job). Let me tell you though, we've seen A LOT.

In five years of planning weddings, as part of the planning process, I've always asked couples the question, "To you, what is the most important part of the wedding day?" Only once have I heard "The ceremony- the vows". It looks obvious does not it? That a wedding takes place essentially to share the wedding ceremony with your loved ones? It seems that rarely, the actual commitment is as important as the party. Now, I'm not knocking the party (that's one of the best parts), but it's so easy to get lost in the planning process.

Gary Chapman, author of the famous relationship book, "The Five Love Languages" says in his book "Things I wish I know Known Before We Got Married":

"The decision to get married will impact one's life more deeply than almost any decision in life. Yet people continue to rush into marriage with little or no preparation for making a marriage successful. In fact, may couples give far more attention to making plans for the wedding than making plans for the marriage. The wedding festivals last only a few hours while the marriage, we hope, will last for a lifetime. "

I married a man what I've believed to be my soul mate since we first met as teens. Although we did not stay together consecutively until the time we got engaged, I knew that ever we'd marry. It was a given. We had THAT love story. Many of my friends tell me our romance was like a tale in a movie. People would 'ooh' and 'aah' as ​​I told them our engagement story when we were planning our wedding. Our parents were overjoyed that we finally made a solid commitment to one another. However, during our courtship and engagement, not one person sat us down and told us, "Marriage will be hard. Really hard". Everyone is so caught up in the whirlwind of romance and planning that no one wants to burst bubbles or bring up what they may consider negative advice. But life is not a fairy tale and I think we need to hear it. We need to know that every marriage goes through trials and tribulations. That one day, we may feel over the moon in love and other days, we may want to run the opposite direction. Life is not a romantic comedy and yes, my friends, marriage IS hard. It is a commitment in and of itself. I truly believe building a life and family with someone is a wondrous and beautiful undertaking AND it's a lot of work. Even though I adore my (loyal, amazing and caring) husband, there are times I want to wring his neck (figuratively, of course and I'm almost positive it goes both ways).

In the same way that I work on my business and my life goals, I work on my marriage. My husband and I continue to talk about relationship and family goals and at the same time, give each other space when we need it. Real life tends to get in the way of the romantic visions we have for our marriage-chores, sickness, bills, you name it! My girl friends and I talk about this stuff all the time. No matter how in love, a successful marriage happens when you devote effort and time into making it what you want. And boy, are we trying!

For all the couples that have just gotten and are about to be engaged, choose someone you can have a wonderful friendship with and who is a good partner. Through life, you two will have important decisions to make. You will seek out and heed one another's advice. You will have disagreements. And if you've chosen the right person, you will have love. Call me a sap, but I do believe that's the most important thing.

By all means, plan the wedding of a lifetime and promise yourself it will only happen once. However, remember the wedding is only the beginning. Do not get so bogged down in planning a wedding that you forget about the marriage.

I want to offer my most sincere congratulations to all the couples who are recently and about to be engaged and to all of our amazing couples who in 2012 embarked on the journey. May your marriage be joyful!

[ad_2]

Source by Dana Dunphy