Once there’s a ring on your finger, you expect to share your proposal story over and over, bounce wedding ideas off your loved ones, and have fun gown shopping and working on DIY projects with your bridal party. What you don’t expect are the frustrating questions you’ll be asked by well-intentioned family members and friends. Here’s how to handle the frequently-asked questions that newly-engaged brides tell us they’re tired of answering.
Photo Credit: Saltwater Studios via Lover.ly
1. “When’s the wedding?”
Why it’s annoying: Do people really expect you to have the entire wedding planned the moment he pops the question?! Plenty of couples simply enjoy their engagement before jumping into any planning, and there’s nothing wrong with that — yet if you admit that you have no idea, people either act like you’re not serious about getting married or try to pressure you into setting a date (cue Grandma’s plea: “I’m not going to live forever, you know!”).
How to respond: If you genuinely have no idea (or just don’t want to share that info yet), tell the person that you’re considering a few options right now and will let them know when you do set a date. If you want, you can divulge which season you’re considering.
2. “How big is your ring?”
Why it’s annoying: First of all, most brides have no idea — it’s not like you asked for the 4 Cs before saying “yes.” Second, you can’t help but wonder why the person is asking — does she think it’s tiny? Or obnoxiously big? Is she planning on robbing you and is trying to figure out how much she can get for the rock?
How to respond: “It’s the perfect size for me; I love it!”
3. “How are you paying for the wedding?” or “How much are you paying for X?”
Why it’s annoying: Because really, it’s no one’s business. It’s always rude to ask about money, but for some reason, many people seem to think weddings are an open book when it comes to finances.
How to respond: “Why do you ask?” This will typically lead to some sputtering about how he or she was “just curious”… Or maybe you’ll get lucky and the person will offer to pay for the entire wedding (hey, it could happen). The exception: If a close friend who’s also engaged asks how much you’re paying for your DJ, help a sister out and give her the scoop. Since you’re in the same boat, you can save each other some trouble when it comes to finding vendors that fit your respective budgets.
4. “Are you inviting X and Y?”
Why it’s annoying: When you’re in the just-engaged phase, never give a solid answer to this question. You could fall in love with a venue that only seats 75 guests, forcing you to slash your guest list. Or, if you’re planning a longer engagement, you may not be close friends with X and Y anymore when the time comes.
How to respond: “We haven’t finalized our guest list yet” — even if you have, and there’s no way X and Y are making the cut. The exception: X and Y are family members you definitely don’t want to invite, but you have a feeling your mom is going to try and force you to put them on the list. It’s best to broach this subject directly and as early as possible.
5. “Are you sure he’s the right one? Ha ha!”
Why it’s annoying: It’s a cliché “joke” that really, no one finds funny.
How to respond: Don’t feel like you have to defend your relationship here. Just brush it off; “Yep, I’m pretty sure, otherwise I wouldn’t have said yes!”
6. “You know 50% of marriages end in divorce, right?”
Why it’s annoying: Ah, the cynic. Often, this question stems from jealousy, and it can definitely put a damper on your newly-engaged bliss — if you let it.
How to respond: Again, don’t fall into the trap of feeling like you need to justify your relationship and explain why you’re getting married. Simply say, “Well, we’re counting on being in the 50% that make it work,” and change the subject.
7. “So when are you having kids?”
Why it’s annoying: Can we focus on the wedding first, please? Unfortunately, this question tends to start right after the engagement and continues until you actually do have a baby — and then the question changes to, “When are you going to have another baby??”
How to respond: “When we’re ready.” Or, if this isn’t the first time the person has bugged you about it, try: “When people stop asking me about it.”
Tell us: What are the most frustrating questions you’ve been asked while being engaged?
