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The traditional Chinese wedding begins with an elite marriage proposal and acceptance. This process is usually handed by a go-between, who acted as a negotiator between the two parties. Traditionally, the wedding is decided by the peoples' parents. So, the important parties in proposal and betrothal negotiations often are the parents of the prospective bride and groom, rather than the bride and groom themselves.

If the groom's parents identify a likely bride-to-be, they would find a go-between bring their gifts to visit the girl's parents and to sound out their feelings about the match. If the bride's parents receive the proposal well, the go-between would get the date and hour of the girl's birth to the groom's family who would give the information to a fortune teller to prove whether the young girl and their son match well.

If the horoscope is favorable, they give the boy's birth date and hour to the go-between to bring to the girl's family, who would go through the same process. Only after both opportunities are auspicious, would the two families arrange a meeting. When face-to-face, each family evaluates the other in respect of appearance, education, character, and social position. If both are satisfied they would proceed to the betrothal.

First of all, the parents of two parties exchange family credentials as tokens of intention. Second, after bargaining, the two families would arrive at the amount of money and goods that would make up the gift to the girl's family. The male's family present betrothal gifts of money and significant items such as tea, poultry, sweetmeats and sugar, wine and tobacco, accompanied by an itemized statement of these gifts.

Tea was such an important part of these gifts that they are known as "cha-li", that is, "tea courtesy". The female's family reciprocates with gifts of food and clothing. It is a custom that the girl's family gives away the bridal cakes from the boy's family to their friends and relatives.

It is a hint to announce the wedding and invite the receiver to the wedding feast. People who received the bridal cakes are expected to bring wedding gifts to the girl's parents. It is very important that how much the male's family's gifts weight because the parents make great efforts in raising the girl, and by accepting the gifts, the girl's family pledged her to the male's.

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Source by Fiona Keneth