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When planning your best man speech, there are certain topics that are definitely no-go areas. Here’s a few of them:

Off-Color Jokes And Swearing

Risque jokes are risky. Where do you draw the line? You can be as bawdy as you like at the stag party, but why risk offending anyone at the wedding reception? My own view is that a double entendre may be just about acceptable if it is clever, but never forget that there may be children present as well as aged relatives whose standards may be different from your own. The same caution applies to strong language. In this case do not talk as you would to your mates in the pub!

Tell the Truth

Under no circumstances should you tell a lie or even ‘shade’ the truth for effect. People will take literally what you say. I once knew a blind chap whose regular form of exercise was to go tandem cycling with a female friend.

His wife accepted that the relationship was entirely proper. In a speech I was giving, I told a tandem-riding joke about him and his female companion. It was at a sports club dinner, and everyone knew the story was only a joke (I assumed), but he protested aloud as soon as I started the joke. Quite rightly, he didn’t want to be accused of any impropriety, even in jest.

Other forms of untruths can be even more harmful, so it’s best to stick closely to the truth in everything you say.

Unkind References

Do not mock anyone in your speech. Say nothing that can offend. Do not refer unkindly to someone else’s looks, behavior or disabilities. It’s easy to make a mistake: I was walking down the High Street with a friend one day, when a man with a white stick asked us where the Halifax Building Society was. I said: ‘You’ve passed it. Come on, we’ll walk there with you.’ Along the way, I decided to tell him where we were, to help him get his bearings for the future, so I said, ‘Now we are walking past Woolworth’s.’ At this, and without thinking, my friend said, ‘That doesn’t mean anything to him, he’s as blind as a bat.’ Imagine making a gaffe like that in your speech. Worse still, imagine deliberately saying something like that…

Behavior

• Don’t get drunk.
• Don’t flirt with the bridesmaids or matron of honor or any of the invited relatives – at all, if you’re married. And if you’re single, don’t do it at the expense of your duties as best man.
• Never make a pass at the bride. Not even if she encourages you.
• Don’t spend all your time talking to the groom’s family, just because you know them, ignoring the bride’s family. Balance your attentions. Remember, you will be seen as an important person on the day, and guests will be pleased to have a few words with you during the reception, so circulate.
• If anything upsets or offends you, do not sulk. Your first obligation is to the groom and his new bride, so grin and bear it, and remain enthusiastic.
• Don’t get drunk.
• Do not quarrel with the groom. He may be stressed and get stroppy at times. It’s only natural, and he needs someone who will put up with it and be as steady as the Rock of Gibraltar. That’s why he asked you to be his best man in the first place.
• If anyone comes to you with a problem, whether it’s about the food or the state of the toilets, do not say, ‘It’s nothing to do with me.’ Sort it out. You may not be the host, but you are seen to be in charge.
• Don’t disregard the bride’s parents. Usually it is they who have paid for the party, so they are, in effect, your hosts. Act as though the reception is being held in their home.
• Don’t try to do it all yourself. Delegate some tasks to the ushers.
• Don’t get drunk.
• Don’t allow the groom to get drunk. Not at the stag party and not at the wedding reception. It’s not worth the fallout.

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Source by Michelle Spencer